Chill out Natalie

I think I have too high expectations for myself.  I have been in NZ just over 3 months and have yet to get a job.  I feel very upset that I have not got a job, and have realised that things are not easy and that they do take time.  I seem to forget that I have uprooted myself, my own choice, from my family, my friends and what I know as home.  I forget all the emotional stresses that go along with emigrating.  I find myself longing for friends to do things with, to laugh with, to have 'personal' jokes with.  I forget that friendships such as the ones I'm longing for, take time, and most of all, I forget I have ONLY been here THREE months!!!

When I think about it, I have done a heck of a lot since I have arrived, it doesn't seem like a lot, but then I remind myself that I have only been here three months.  The not-having-a-job is getting to me, but I am hopeful something will come in the soon.  There was a recession last year and a lot of companies are still very cautious with hiring new people, I just need to keep positive that something will come my way. 

I need to learn to rely and accept help from people.  My uncle said to me this evening that when something is offered in kindness and love, one should accept it, regardless, and you should not feel guilty that you have to repay them.  I have always thought myself to be independent and not NEED people to rely on and help me, but I am finding out now, that more than ever, I NEED my aunt and uncle and where I cannot contribute financially to the household, I am contributing to their well being by helping around the house, cooking, doing laundry and just by being here, and that one day in the future, in a years time or 20 years time, they may need me like I need them now.

I need to learn to not be so proud and that what comes around, goes around. 

Moving to NZ has been the most difficult thing I have ever done and each day in different, each day there is something new I learn or experience.  I need to actually slow down on myself and learn to appreciate all that is around me and all I have achieved.

Phew, with that, it's bed time.

Good night world